I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
