But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I look better un-naked...
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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