I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
