Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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