YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
