Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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