So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
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we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
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this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize