I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
