Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
