this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
