You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
