We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
