Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
