you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
