I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
