i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
