If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
