A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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