Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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