Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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