I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
