i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's never too late to be topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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