She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
