A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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