He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I FOUND THE LEGS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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