shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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