McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
