I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Found your dick twin last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
