A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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