i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
