well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
