She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
