You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
