my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
