mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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