I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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