i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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