hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My legs feel like baby dolphins
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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