Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
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you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
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Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
tell me about the fingering
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