He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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