If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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