Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
