i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
