I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
