You don't have asthma, your pregnant
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
