i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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