If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
