I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I CAN MOONWALK!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
