we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
