she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
His nipple licking is glorious
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