I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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