Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
