i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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