There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
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Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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