Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
