She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just blew my weed a kiss
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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