Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
