whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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