that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He did a backflip because drugs
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