You smell like a Billy Joel song
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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